crabby pants

Umm Hello there.  I miss you little blog and your imaginary audience.  I just wish I had something interesting to say.  Lately not so much.  At least not happy fuzzy things and isn't that all you want are the happy, fuzzy, funny stories.

Alas, I don't have any happy, fuzzy, funny.   I have been pretty crabby.  Everything seems to be bugging me lately.  My dogs are always wrestling and fighting.  Why can't they just lay on their dog bed and chew on their own things not the kid's things. (Since writing this, I have had to take 3 of the boys toys away from Tucker.  I don't even know how he is getting them little houdini dog)

Mackenzie is a senior this year and that is kind of bumming me out............I mean, my Gosh, she is a senior people!  

John is bothering me and he is a good husband and father.  I guess I am just a mean mean mean wife.

I am having a hard time with Jack still pooping in his pull up every night.  Sometimes right after he has sat on the toilet for a half hour.  WHY?????????  Is it a power struggle.  By the way, most of the time I think he has come so far and the words autism spectrum almost never creep into my brain but when he and Charley had their well child appointments a week ago....................well, he was very different.  He knocked Dr. Howard's bag down and tried to grab her i-pad out of her hands and when she asked him a question he spoke in kookas.(what I call his made up language)I was so mad and embarrassed because I want her to know how well he is doing overall.  But she was really nice and said that it was probably the high anxiety he was feeling.  He was self-soothing with his hand in his mouth the whole time.  It is just so frustrating to have a child that you know and everyone else knows is different but you just don't have a name for it yet.  Don't know why.

Charley has been an adorable 3 year old for the most part lately.  I am really loving this 3 year old little boy. He has his moments too when he is stubborn and must do everything his way.  "I DO  I DO IT"  But he really is sweet and cuddly still.

Me, not so cute but maybe cuddly because I have only lost one lb so far since the last time I wrote about my weight.  I have been managing about 3 times to the Y a week but I have also been managing to eat as though I am on the high school boy's wrestling team.  I don't know why I am doing the self sabotage but I am.

So basically, I think I am in need of a good counselor.  Will you be my counselor blogspot?   I really hate counseling but I do feel like since I have been off the anti-depressants.............I am just not a nice person.  I really do not want to go back on them either.  The brain zaps I had from coming off of them are still too recent in my memory.  The other idea I had because I really don't believe that I am just naturally a mean crabby person is that I have been taking ambien to fall asleep pretty regularly.  Maybe that is affecting my mood somehow?  Ahhhh, but I love how easily it is to fall asleep after taking that little pretty white pill.  No racing thoughts, no worries about money, bad job, crabby self.  Just sweet  I can't posssibly keep my eyes open anymore sleep.  hmmmmmmmm

Mackenzie

               

My sweet Jack man

 

 

I don't want to sound too melancholy.  Things really are pretty good.  I am just crabbier then I should be and things are getting on my nerves more than they should.  And I am trying to address it with myself before it gets out of hand.  So I hope this doesn't sound all wah wah but I love my family and I just wish I wasn't so crabby.  Grrrrr