roller coaster worry

On Mondays I work at Jack's school library for a few hours in the morning.  On those days we get there a little bit later than normal because I try to get all librarian cute instead of my normal yoga pants and hoodie look that I normally carry off so well.  This didn't go so well in Jack's mind yesterday.  He didn't realize that by the time we got there the bell would have already rang and it was time to head to class.  No play time outside.  That did not set well with Mr. Jack man.  He got really whiny with me in the hallway and told me how mean I was and that I had ruined his day.  And judging by the super crushed look on his face I probably did. So, I calmed him down as best as I could and sent him into the classroom not really knowing how his behavior was going to continue.

So flash forward a few minutes.  I am all happy checking in books and organizing them on their shelves and is so simple and mindless and allows me to not really have to think for a few minutes of my day.  But that was cut short as the office called into the room and I was sent to the office.  It wasn't so bad they just wanted to set up an appointment with me to go over our last screening we did on Jack and maybe see what is next.  The bummer thing is that for some odd reason they can ONLY meet on Tuesday mornings.  And guess who works at her real job every single Tuesday?  This girl.  So right away, anxiety about not being able to be at this meeting.  John will go instead and relay info to me as he remembers it.  He better remember it all word for word and tell me 800 times every time I ask so what did she say about that again?  Poor guy.  But no, Stacy the school psychologist is going to call me this week so that we can go over everything and she can help me move forward with a plan.  For now we are fairly confident that he has ADD.  So we will be able to talk to his pediatrician about meds that might help for that. So, you start feeling better like.... ok this isn't the end of the world.  We can so handle ADD we will rock it so hard it will make everyone want their kid to have ADD and mild CP.  But wait!  That is not all... also want to do more screenings to see if he has some other componets going on  that may
 be related to his CP.  I think they want us to pursue a neuro psych eval.  Which I am not even sure what all that entails. Or who we get it started with.  And I was at work when all of this important meeting was going on and I was missing it.  John did call at one point and put me on speaker phone.  They said not to worry.  She will guide me through what I need to do and she said she would call me later this week too so that she can catch up (and hear me cry) and we can over all of their findings on him and what she things we should be doing. 

I know I mentioned before how great all of these people are that are working for my son.  I just feel so blessed with them helping us and him get through this.  The school psychologist actually has a son named Jack who has cp and is more cognitively impaired than John.  So I think she pretty much understands all of this and my emotions. 


So now I just have fill out another questionnaire and wait for the results of that and wait for Stacy to fax all of her other finding to our pediatrician so we can get that ball rolling for meds for ADD.  And then just wait and see where we go with the neuro psych stuff.  Which scares me the most but I guess I won't really know what that is all about until she calls me.  So, I guess I just need to love on the little boy I have right now and know that we are on a great path of finding out what is best for him. A Jack plan.  We want school to be good and I never want him to come home on Friday and tell me school is evil again.  

Sorry this was kind of all rambly.  I worked all day and worried my head off about all of this.  Just had to get it out I guess.

ADHD?

 This is the first test Jack took along with the rest of his class. Note~ It doesn't even look like he tried here.  Then his teacher pulled him into a private room and let him retake it.

The first two on this test he was facing out the window so she then turned him so he had nothing to look at or distract him.  Look how much better he did here.  I don't know what this is going to mean for the future.  We are still waiting on the school psychologist's evaluation and the Connor's scores but it definitely looks like what we all suspect.  I just don't know how I feel about medication.  I think that would be my last resort but I just hate to see how he struggles with stuff.  I also got more math workbooks for him because that is another area that he is struggling with.  It is so hard to get him to work on it with me at home though.  That kid is stubborn and when he doesn't want to do something he can make a lot of noise. 


On another note~ We have way TOO much candy here.  I only made it to the Y once last week and there is this big old bowl of Halloween candy calling out my name.  We didn't have very many trick-or-treaters here this year.  We only made it one block ourselves.  It was so cold here this year!  I know we have been spoiled the last few years but oh man do I want to move somewhere warmer.  This girl is not made for cold weather and apparently neither are my kids. I can't believe they were done after only one block.

And on another note~ John's dad is here from Texas and we are having a nice visit but I have way TOO many boys using my bathroom!   I dream of the day when I have my own on suite bathroom.  Gah, must sell this house and move.  And move somewhere warm.

 And on a final unrelated note ~ No, sadly that is not me in a bathing suit sitting somewhere warm.... but I love here hair.  So, I just wanted to share that :)


Ummm, and maybe ADHD is inherited because I definitely seem to have it. Especially judging from this post.

Conner's

 What if I answer something wrong??  So stressfull!!  Not to mention some of these questions are honestly weird.  I felt guilty filling it out.

Hey, where is my food I ordered?

Charley has been so demanding and whining a lot lately.  It is really getting to us.  He might win and take us both down at this rate.  Maybe that is his goal.  So much darn whining.  Every night we tell him he has to do a certain amount of homework and then he can go do something fun like a game with mom or dad or something else he wants to do.  Cue the whining forever, so he gets one page out of 500 done and thinks that is good enough and he should be all done. "Now let's plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Moooooomieeeeeee, let's play.  come on come on lets play.  Pleeeeaaaaaaaaaseee!!  So then it is back to explaining that while it is great that you traced the letter A half assed on one worksheet, there are still 499 more waiting for us to do and omg, they are NEVER going away until we get them done.  This pre-K stuff is not kidding around anymore.  So ultimately no games were played with Charley tonight.  John and I did stay strong  and survived.  John might have cheated tonight though.  I'm not sure that he didn't have ear plugs in for part of that.  Hmmm  Then after all that Charley mentioned he wanted some toast before bed.  I was kind of getting things ready and he walks up and goes " hey where is my food I ordered?"   Eeeesh kid.   Who are we raising here?  Monsters I tell you Monsters!!! They are supposed to be in bed asleep right but they saw me coming up to my room with ice cream.  The chorus began of I want a cookie I want a cookie and so on.  So grabbed to cookies and threw one each to each of their locations.  Heard some chewing but no whining anymore. whoosh.  Maybe have a break until tomorrow morning.  UNTIL the homework is mentioned again.  Oh no, help us.

He looks sweet here, but don't let him fool you.  He will take you down no problem with is whining.

This one didn't want anything to do with that dumb old homework either. The Mo Willems website was way cooler.  He did however write out all of his words with me once. Yah, score one for me.

 

 

 

I want to order some food around here and have it delivered on a plate for me.  I want to whine about stuff I don't want to do.  Oh wait, I guess that is what I am doing here.  Hmmm yay  I don't like to have homework everynight with a 5 and 7 year old.  They are too stubborn and now I am whining.  Waaahhh
  

I did have a mini IEP meeting this morning with Jacks team at school.  It went really well and I am glad they made time in their schedules to discuss my worries right now.  I left the meeting feeling great and that my son is loved by them and they also want the very best for him.  A couple of the therapists worked with him way back at the ECC so they have seen all of the growths and gains he has made.   They told me that they are really not worried that anything spectrum is going on with him.  Their feeling is that there is some attention componet going on and some anxiety for him also.  He tends to want to be a perfectionist and it stresses him out if he can't do something right the first time. New things or changes also cause him some anxiety. We still think there is a sensory thing going on but when you are anxious you do tend to soothe yourself any way you can and for him it is rocking on his legs and spinning something in his hands and sometimes hand flapping.  Those are things that can sometimes look like autism things.  And really it is just anxiety.  So we are doing a couple of tests this week to grade his anxiety and attention levels and then the social worker will also observe him for a day.  The tests get sent out to be scored and then we should have recommendations soon.  I just feel so good that I think we are in the right hands.  All of these women that I sat with around the table told awesome stories about my son and showed me where they have seen improvement and how much they all get a kick out of him.  It is obvious that they are on team Jack and we all want him to do the best that he can. I prayed for another awesome teacher this year and I got it tenfold with all of these other ladies. OT, Speech, physical therapy, and the social worker.  The social worker even has a 7 year old son with CP (and he also has major anxiety) so she can completely relate.  Also one of the other therapists has a child with anxiety and is going to help me navigate all of that if the tests come back with what we believe they will. 

 So maybe I am like Charley.  I didn't order any food, but this team of Jack's is exactly what I prayed for.  So maybe they are my order for Jack.

 
 

Is there a magic hair growth pill

It is sooo short!! I went in for a trim today and this is what happened.  In my stylist's defense I think I totally confused her.  I told her that yes I still want to grow it out but can I have a long bob just like Jennifer Aniston?  I don't think the long part of my request is happening here. So, I guess I will be growing it out all over to just get it barely to my shoulders all over again. Why do I sabotage this hair growing thing every time and go back to the same mom bob?

View from the back.  Look how short.

And also, strangely greenish in this light.  I am going to eat some ice cream and go to bed and see if it longer in the morning.

I'm back?

It has been forever since I have posted anything.  It is going to be my goal to try and keep this little blog updated because I have really missed it.  I realized though how much I was stressing myself out over it.  I have a lot of blogs I follow and man there are some funny, well written blogs out there.  I was (still kind of am) beating myself up for not being just like them.  Not having the most interesting funny things to say or buying fun exciting things or decorating my house all cute.  But I do have memories I want to document and even if I am the only one who ever looks back on this blog, that is a good enough reason to keep it.

I had a funny video of Charley but it got deleted Saturday night when drinking at Polaski days and picture taking were mixed.  I am so bummed because my little 5 year old told me the other day that he wants a wife so that he can go shopping at the mall with her and have lunch and then play at the treehouse.  So cute, that little guy.  He comes out with the best statements.  He is having a little bit of a hard time adjusting to rules and structure at Pre-K.  I think we are doing better this 2nd month of school but I still get a little bit anxious every time I pick him up at school.  Whenever, I make eye contact with his teacher I am praying silently that she will say he had a good day.  I have had enough bad reports of him not listening and being too rough with the other kids.  But, I think last week we had 4 out of 5 days with good reports.  When they are good and listen they "fill their bucket" if they are not doing as they should they have to empty their buckets.  His bucket was full most of last week.   If he doesn't have a full bucket then he doesn't get his beloved Nabi that day.

 

Jack is in first grade this year and I seriously love his teacher.  Which is kind of funny because when I met her at the open house I was really worried that she wasn't right for Jack and that I didn't have warm fuzzies about her.  Turns out she is exactly what I prayed we would have for his teacher.  I have been in constant contact with her this year to make sure that we help Jack have the best year.  She is concerned about his inability to focus at times. He gets distracted way too easily.  For instance we worked on his spelling words a ton last week but when it came time for the test on Friday he only got one right.  I know he knew the words but she said he had a hard time staying on task.  I think there are still some sensory issues going on with him and we have his well child check up on Wednesday and I am going to bring it up to his pediatrician.  John was looking up a few of the things Jack does and he is concerned about some spectrum stuff.  I am not sure....... he does do the hand licking and the hand flapping but I think he is outgrowing it a little bit.  His teacher said that he is more of an observer of his peers but when they engage him he is more than happy to join in.  At the end of her last email she said she had more tricks up her sleeve to help him stay focused and at the end of her email she said "we are all on team Jack and please give him a hug for me and tell him he is awesome."  HOW awesome is that???  

That sweet boy wanted to hold my hand all the way home from school.  I even said at one point, you don't have to hold my hand if you don't want to.  He just held on a little tighter.

sick day or pj day debacle

So does the little boy in these pictures look so sick that he can't stay at school?  He was fine in the morning especially if you consider how much of a morning boy he is not.  But they didn't have school on Friday so he was excited that Thursday was his last day for the school week.  Both he and Charley did have runny noses for the last couple of days and a little bit of a cough......but you cant keep them home for every runny nose, right?

10 minutes after I dropped him off I got the dreaded phone call from the school.  The secretary said "Jack has a runny nose and he is pretty upset about it."  WTH, Okay, I will be right there.  When I walked in the door by the office I saw several kids walking around in their pajamas.  PJ day and we forgot/didn't know.  (I looked at the bulletin and did not see it anywhere)  As soon as Jack saw me he smiled and said "you dressed me in clothes!"  So we just went home and had a pajama day here.  Little faker was just mad that he was missing out on pj day.  It is so normal!

like getting back on a bike?

I have never been a very prolific blogger but even for me it has been a super long time between posts.  If I want this to be a diary/memory book of sorts, I am not doing a very good job.  So, I am going to try and get back into this little blog.

This fall and beginning of winter has gone fast.  I can't believe Jack is pretty much halfway done with kindergarten already.  Crazy!  He is doing good and everyday I notice that he is a little more mature, more of a big kid.  There have been tears a few mornings but overall he is resigned to the fact that he has to go in the morning and seems to be okay with it.   Charley hasn't gone back to pre-school since September.  I guess we will just keep him home with me until next Fall and then send him to pre-K.  I am really okay with that and enjoy our alone time during the day.  He is so funny and sweet even if he is a turd sometimes.  He never went through the terrible 2's or 3's instead he was a cute,sweet little munchkin.  But 4?  Kind of a different story.  His big thing lately is to say, "I love my daddy, I don't love my mommy."  I know he is just letting me know that he is a daddy's boy right now.  Big time :)

 My sweet friend Jessica was home for the holidays from Texas. I haven't seen her in at least 2 years.  I also got to meet her very nice husband Brandon.  I have missed this girl so much.  I hope we don't let it go too long before our next visit.

 We also made it to New Jersey for a visit with my parents and my little sister Brooke was there from Florida.  We had such a great visit even if it did go way too fast.  John and my dad cooked the best dinners for us.  We had prime rib one night that was one of the best things I have ever eaten.

 Speaking of good food!  John and I like to watch Man Vs. Food sometimes and on one episode he was in Philadelphia at the Reading Station and was talking about this sandwhich.  Since we were so close and all we had to try it.  That place was very cool.  Just a huge indoor food market.  Think of the worlds best food court.  I love this picture because it has all my favorite guys in it.  John, Charley, Jack and my dad.  Pretty cool.

 Just a fun picture from instagram on my iphone.  They are doing cute hugging wrestling instead of scratch your brother's eye out wrestling for a change.  And I have evidence now that sometimes they are cute.

All 3 of them on Christmas Eve.  Sigh  What a fun night and even more fun morning the next day.  Now that Mackenzie is 19 and living with her dad, I don't get to see this very often.  I had some tears Christmas day when she left to go back to her dad's.  We don't have enough sleepovers since she moved out.

Well,  that kinda sorta catches me up a little bit.  Next time on kookas I will probably get more serious and about my baby fever or something else super exciting.  hmmm no wonder it is so long in between posts.